Grief and Belief..why here and now?
What the hell am I still doing here? Why do I put up with this? Why the...bloody hell…just why?? Questions always unanswered, never knowing where the next meeting will be …how come.
Look into the mirror! Lifting my tear streaked face to look into the blasted bathroom mirror. Looking in to the mirror – will it show my soul? Will it help cleanse the pain? What will the face of grief look like?
Standing up, using the hand basin as support, I raised my tear drenched face to the looking glass. Oceans of tears flowed through blood red eyes, wrinkles forming as the tears continued to flow, shadows of night under the eyes, from days and nights of no sleep. This is the face of grief, my grief. Shattered and torn, my soul and spirit were ripped into the endless chasm of dark, where the light when thrown into the abyss never reaches the end. Swirling down and sucking everything into the never ending cycle of the black hole. Echoed this into eternity and you have a taste of the grief affecting my very existence.
How does one combat a pain so all consuming, it is like a great furnace. A furnace where the fire is so strong, the slightest piece of fuel, a twig, will be enough to keep the flame alive. No matter what one does to stop the pain, alcohol, sleep, a million and one distractions, nothing works.
Somewhere there is a knocking, a gentle tugging. Something in my soul, a hand caressing my heart, somehow my pain is not as strong. Slowly the memories come back ..opening the memory banks ..once open the memories come flooding back. Years, eons of the good the bad, the ugly and beautiful. Our children, wedding, when we first met, so much more! The first time we kissed and came together. The challenges we faced and so much more.
The tears are not so fierce and my eyes are getting a sparkle to them. Amidst the darkness, there is light. A gentle flame, which is coming into the night, lighting the embers of my heart. Belief, belief is coming back. Belief that all will be ok. Belief that we are ok. Somehow we will work through this period in our lives.
I have lived and faced the possibility of losing you – forever and ever. Alive or dead, grief is all encompassing and somehow, through the layers of darkness, light shows a way. A time to sit and meditate, to reflect and get to know this person that is and now the people we have become.
Look into the mirror! Lifting my tear streaked face to look into the blasted bathroom mirror. Looking in to the mirror – will it show my soul? Will it help cleanse the pain? What will the face of grief look like?
Standing up, using the hand basin as support, I raised my tear drenched face to the looking glass. Oceans of tears flowed through blood red eyes, wrinkles forming as the tears continued to flow, shadows of night under the eyes, from days and nights of no sleep. This is the face of grief, my grief. Shattered and torn, my soul and spirit were ripped into the endless chasm of dark, where the light when thrown into the abyss never reaches the end. Swirling down and sucking everything into the never ending cycle of the black hole. Echoed this into eternity and you have a taste of the grief affecting my very existence.
How does one combat a pain so all consuming, it is like a great furnace. A furnace where the fire is so strong, the slightest piece of fuel, a twig, will be enough to keep the flame alive. No matter what one does to stop the pain, alcohol, sleep, a million and one distractions, nothing works.
Somewhere there is a knocking, a gentle tugging. Something in my soul, a hand caressing my heart, somehow my pain is not as strong. Slowly the memories come back ..opening the memory banks ..once open the memories come flooding back. Years, eons of the good the bad, the ugly and beautiful. Our children, wedding, when we first met, so much more! The first time we kissed and came together. The challenges we faced and so much more.
The tears are not so fierce and my eyes are getting a sparkle to them. Amidst the darkness, there is light. A gentle flame, which is coming into the night, lighting the embers of my heart. Belief, belief is coming back. Belief that all will be ok. Belief that we are ok. Somehow we will work through this period in our lives.
I have lived and faced the possibility of losing you – forever and ever. Alive or dead, grief is all encompassing and somehow, through the layers of darkness, light shows a way. A time to sit and meditate, to reflect and get to know this person that is and now the people we have become.
upma
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I can feel your raw emotional pain.
You are not alone...
I hope things get better for you, and a new day will bring a kinder perspective in your life.
cheers
fog